‘The people in your life should be a source of reducing stress, not causing more of it’ Recently, my life mantra
Since childhood, I have been taught to be kind, humble, respect my elders and never to hurt anyone. The lessons of saying ‘No’ or refusing something was hardly ever mentioned in the household. Now, I am not saying this is wrong, if a child is not taught the value of help, love and respect the world would have been an awful place to live in. But how many will raise their hands if I asked ‘Who here has learned to say no and walking away because of an incident or two that occurred in their life?’ I bet 99% of people in the room will.
People can be cruel, uncaring, selfish and jealous. They project a negative vibe which you feel during the first meet but you think about giving them a second chance. Your gut tells you something is wrong and this person can cause you harm but you shrug the feeling off , thinking it’s silly. People will use you in many ways, one of the most innocent ways of doing so is comparing themselves to you to make them feel better. Ever had a ‘friend’ who just contacted to see how you are doing and once you reply to their message they disappear not bothering to continue the conversation? They will seem very keen to know if you have a corporate job or in a relationship or bought that house you always wanted. Of course they will disappear after your reply, they got what they wanted. They know how you are doing and they are done comparing themselves to you with a smug look on their faces. Satisfied cause their life is better than yours at that very moment.
I have to admit I have wasted my energy behind people who did not deserve it at all. I would make the effort to keep in contact, plan hang outs and be there for them when they were down. While I got nothing in return from them. It took me 20 years to realise they are just not worth it and I if I choose to walk away, I can!
There is the catch though, it’s easier said than done. Learning how to walk away from an abusive relationship and not valued friendships you need to be in that situation more than once. Yes more than once!!! You do it when it has finally driven you mental or when you look in the mirror and have no self esteem left. You have allowed people to walk over you so many times that you have lost count. The situation has gone out of your hands and you just can’t take it anymore. It’s then you have the courage to say NO and strong enough to stand up for yourself. If someone reading this can relate, then I am so proud of you. It takes strength, character, experiences and maturity to respect yourself.
‘My biggest regret in life are being nice to people, apologising when I didn’t do anything wrong and making unworthy people a priority in my life’
I have always thought toxic people are the ones who have bad intentions BUT not all toxic people are uncaring, selfish or rude. Some of them are very nice, humble and have good intentions. So how can they be toxic? having experiencing this very recently I can elaborate. Most people can be toxic by just having you making compromises on your happiness. They bring you down by preventing you from reaching your goal or by just casually discouraging what you are aiming for. They are not bad people, they just aren’t right for you. Life is hard as it is, you deserve to be around people who support you and don’t expect you to make a compromise on your mental peace. As hard as it is, you got to let them go! No one is worth that much that you destroy yourself, your wellbeing should be your priority. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons life teaches but it’s the one that makes you feel lighter and sets you free.
“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self worth” – Gautam Buddha
Understand, learn, inhale and exhale this. Never forget you are worth more than what people define you to be. Stop pleasing people and wasting you valuable time and energy for those who don’t care about you. Invest it on those who stood by you when you had nothing, depressed and were there when you were weeping you eyes out. Those are the people you should appreciate and never let go. They have seen the dark side of you and yet they stuck around. This is probably the most valuable lesson I have learnt from life. The more I respect myself, the more I love the sound of me walking away.