Toxic People

‘The people in your life should be a source of reducing stress, not causing more of it’ Recently, my life mantra

Since childhood, I have been taught to be kind, humble, respect my elders and never to hurt anyone. The lessons of saying ‘No’ or refusing something was hardly ever mentioned in the household. Now, I am not saying this is wrong, if a child is not taught the value of help, love and respect the world would have been an awful place to live in. But how many will raise their hands if I asked ‘Who here has learned to say no and walking away because of an incident or two that occurred in their life?’ I bet 99% of people in the room will.

People can be cruel, uncaring, selfish and jealous. They project a negative vibe which you feel during the first meet but you think about giving them a second chance. Your gut tells you something is wrong and this person can cause you harm but you shrug the feeling off , thinking it’s silly. People will use you in many ways, one of the most innocent ways of doing so is comparing themselves to you to make them feel better. Ever had a ‘friend’ who just contacted to see how you are doing and once you reply to their message they disappear not bothering to continue the conversation? They will seem very keen to know if you have a corporate job or in a relationship or bought that house you always wanted. Of course they will disappear after your reply, they got what they wanted. They know how you are doing and they are done comparing themselves to you with a smug look on their faces. Satisfied cause their life is better than yours at that very moment.

I have to admit I have wasted my energy behind people who did not deserve it at all. I would make the effort to keep in contact, plan hang outs and be there for them when they were down. While I got nothing in return from them. It took me 20 years to realise they are just not worth it and I if I choose to walk away, I can!

There is the catch though, it’s easier said than done. Learning how to walk away from an abusive relationship and not valued friendships you need to be in that situation more than once. Yes more than once!!! You do it when it has finally driven you mental or when you look in the mirror and have no self esteem left. You have allowed people to walk over you so many times that you have lost count. The situation has gone out of your hands and you just can’t take it anymore. It’s then you have the courage to say NO and strong enough to stand up for yourself. If someone reading this can relate, then I am so proud of you. It takes strength, character, experiences and maturity to respect yourself.

‘My biggest regret in life are being nice to people, apologising when I didn’t do anything wrong and making unworthy people a priority in my life’

I have always thought toxic people are the ones who have bad intentions BUT not all toxic people are uncaring, selfish or rude. Some of them are very nice, humble and have good intentions. So how can they be toxic? having experiencing this very recently I can elaborate. Most people can be toxic by just having you making compromises on your happiness. They bring you down by preventing you from reaching your goal or by just casually discouraging what you are aiming for. They are not bad people, they just aren’t right for you. Life is hard as it is, you deserve to be around people who support you and don’t expect you to make a compromise on your mental peace. As hard as it is, you got to let them go! No one is worth that much that you destroy yourself, your wellbeing should be your priority. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons life teaches but it’s the one that makes you feel lighter and sets you free.

“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self worth” – Gautam Buddha 

Understand, learn, inhale and exhale this. Never forget you are worth more than what people define you to be. Stop pleasing people and wasting you valuable time and energy for those who don’t care about you. Invest it on those who stood by you when you had nothing, depressed and were there when you were weeping you eyes out. Those are the people you should appreciate and never let go. They have seen the dark side of you and yet they stuck around. This is probably the most valuable lesson I have learnt from life. The more I respect myself, the more I love the sound of me walking away.

It took me 24 years to understand the meaning of this. Picture courtesy of quotesndnotes.
It took me 24 years to truly understand the meaning of this. My circle of friends is very small but I prefer it that way. Picture courtesy of quoyesndnotes.
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‘….it’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the fight….’

Heart pounding, pulse beating, sweat rolling, heavy breathing, blood rushing, calories burning, arms swinging and legs hurting. All of this going on while I have Survior’s Eye of the Tiger blasting in my ears through my headphones, feeling the heat and the wind from the sea. That’s right, I am talking about my everyday run in the Corniche (picture above, curtsey of Google). In midst of all these painful sensations I remember a friend telling me ‘What? you ENJOY running? What’s wrong with you?’ and I let out a tiny smile, while I wipe the sweat off my brow.

Honestly, what’s there not to enjoy about it? The heart pounding and pulse beating makes me feel alive, the sweat rolling and legs hurting reminds me to appreciate hard work and gets me realising the meaning of ‘no pain, no gain’. Running for me is more than just burning calories and getting my legs toned, although that is definitely a bonus. It’s the time of the day where I am disconnected with the world and I am left alone with my thoughts. It’s a way for me to recharge my battery and face the world again the next day. It’s a community you get yourself into unknowingly, ever had a runner by pass you with you a smile or a wave? I have had that and it feels great! It feels you are a part of something and encourages me to go through that last mile.

During my many runs, I thought I would be okay if I stopped a little but boy was I wrong. Stopping just made it harder for me to start again, running taught me that it’s okay to slow down once in a while but never to stop. It gives a sense of accomplishment, even if it’s a little one – for example you ran a mile extra or you conquered that steep gradient you avoid every time you go for a run. I would be lying if I said I have always looked forward to a run, I have had days where I just didn’t have the energy to do so. On those days I thought of the weird sense of satisfaction I get after I go running. Trust me that feeling is way better than the feeling to skip.

I have discovered a lot about my own city just by running. You will be amazed of the places you find when you change your route frequently. When I moved to Filton in 2013 for a year, I would take a few unknown turns and give myself the quest to find my way back home, I know it might be confusing for some people to think what was the point of this BUT for a person like me who is awful with direction and gets lost easy, this mini challenge was fun and gave a tiny amount of confidence boost. For me it’s a tool to get know a new place better, you tend to see more when you on foot.

There are cons to running, the obvious one is it gets boring after a while but something only looses it’s charm when we fail to bring something new to it.  Spice up your running routine by changing the music on your shuffle or running with someone or simply take a break from it coming back to it later Motivating yourself for a run on a day when you really don’t want to do requires determination and character.

Running is a metaphor of life to me, it’s gotten me through days I imagined I never could. It taught me not give up on goals just because it’s getting hard. I thank the day I was really bored and decided to go for a run to kill time. Little did I know then that an act carried forward to get over my boredom would do wonders for me in the future.

 

Hello Blogging!

So here I am after carefully designing my first blog ever, staring at the my Mac screen for a good 30 minutes with my mind going blank trying to figure out what my first ever blog should be on. I am not really big on writing infact during my IGCSE year, English was the subject where I scored the least in. I am comfortable with numbers and equations, that’s where I find to be home. So why I am I blogging? It’s because for the past 8 months or so I haven’t done anything new that made me challenge myself or grow! being unemployed with a masters degree can be mentally draining. So With Divenire playing in my ears I allowed Ludovico Einaudi lead the way and decided to go with the flow.

I am Deb, short for Debahuti. Let’s face it, no one would have the time to shout ‘Debahuti’ during a an unfortunate event like a fire. I am an amateur writer with a passion for aeroplanes, fitness, travelling and cooking. My posts will most probably revolve around these topics, unless my interests changes overnight. Born in India, bought up in the United Arab Emirates and spent the last 5 years in the United Kingdom has made me tad less ignorant about the world or at least I would like to think so. These past 8 months has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, think I will elaborate on that further in my upcoming posts.

Basically I am just like everyone else, fighting everyday not wanting to give up on life. I have fallen 100 times but gotten back up again 101 times. Trying my very best to keep my sanity, if someone reading this can relate then please do visit again. I think this is it for today. There is only so much dose of ‘Deb’ once can have in a post.

There is a mixed feeling of anxiousness and excitement every time I look at the ‘Publish’ button. I do encourage comments that are constrictive, so please feel free to leave one below. Anything will be appreciated that will encourage me to blog better.

So here it goes…..