As I lay tossing and turning, trying to catch a good night’s slumber. ‘Everyone’s definition of happiness is different, stick with yours’ gets me to reverie, breaking my lips into a smile whilst my eyes still shut closed. Tricking my brain into sleeping. However my trials being futile, I get up with a jerk, grab my laptop. I got to pour out my thoughts if I want to sleep tonight, I thought to myself during the process.
So here I am at 1 am, typing away on my Mac.
What is my definition of happiness? It’s feeling of being secured, for the foreseeable future. When you are satisfied with the people and your financial situation. When you have no other expectations from life. It is then you have the courage to fill the room with your laughter, dance and music. Knowing that you are sorted and nothing to worry about. You can enjoy this very moment! Happiness is not a goal it’s a by-product.
Try thinking of a happy thought. Go on! 99.8% chance you will catch your self grinning like a folly. Happiness is wonderfully powerful. It’s weapon to create and destroy. It gives you a taste of what it’s like, then leaving you craving for more.
The moments of joys and laughter are cherished forever. They are most valued when life is battering you down. As a human being you need to hold onto something in order to survive. To wait patiently till you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you cling on to those moments because they give your life meaning. It thirsts you for the future, not wanting to surrender.
If only you can freeze time, to stay in those feelings forever. Alas that, dear is impossible.
Recently I have been cautions with my happiness. I don’t know whether it’s a right thing to do or not. Gratefulness I have in abundance, unfortunately that does not imply to my happiness.
When the feeling of joy overcomes my soul, I feel it with a slight sense of guilt and fear. This can be taken away from me in any moment – I remind myself. Just like how it was in the past. So it’s best if I don’t experience this moment. Doing this I shirk the tears and agony I will face in the future. Because I wouldn’t know the difference between sad and happy right? At least I try to convince myself of this thought.
There are times when I ridicule that thought and remorsefully have a hearty laugh. But the fear of pain and disappointment wavers over me almost instantly.
We humans learn to value when it seizes to exist. Sadness taught me to appreciate happiness, It also frightened me loosing something valuable. My joyous moments are teaching me to be humble. I am starting to see happiness as a currency. I am reluctant to spend it all in one go. You earn your happiness, save and spend it wisely.
Call me naive but I wonder if it’s better to never be happy so you will never know what you have lost, so life will be perpetual or better to be happy so you have something to cherish when you are going through the rough phase of your life.
Ps: Considering the fact, I am posting this blog in July. Bang in the middle of the summer. I would like to blame the hour of the night for the picture of Pooh and Piglet in winter attire as my featured image.
Dedicating this post to all those late night thinkers, pondering over life tossing and turning.